(no subject)

[luthaiseakit]

In a Justice Temple two days travel from Earl Greys border

 

 

Tomorrow…  They say they can do it tomorrow.  Not long now Lilium…  Please, Lilium, you will come back won’t you?  I’m sorry it’s taken so long…  I’ve…  We’ve done all that we can to make it quicker, I promise.  We didn’t hang around at the border; we walked until we couldn’t walk anymore.  Or at least, I walked until Caled ran out of his powers to aid my in carrying you.  We got here a week ago, but by then you needed a high level ritual team, and that takes time to organise.  So, here we’ve been ever since…

 

They took you away…  That hurt the most.  I’m so worried you’ll wake up alone.  Please, I hope they don’t wake you alone…  I asked them not too…  Don’t know whether they’ll listen though.  That’s why I’m here really.  I get up to be here as soon as they open for the dawn service and I stay until they close at midnight.  I can’t take the risk of not being here.

 

I filled out all the forms, Isador asks for progress reports every time a priest wanders close enough and Mistral prowls the temple like a tiger, searching for prey.  Mostly though, we just sit and wait.

 

Can you see us now?  I’m resting against Caled, his tunic is as familiar to me as the back of my hands now, as I spend so much time with my face buried in it.  Oh Lilium!  I’m so glad he’s here.  It’s hard on him I know, and I long to comfort him, but…  It takes strength I don’t seem to have.

 

I’m not crying as much anymore.  I’d guess that’s good.  But I know it’s not.  Morag calls this ‘deep grief’ and I know it worries her when any in her care display signs of it.  I should stop, should attempt to talk, to respond…  But it feels too hard.

 

Truth be told and Our Lady forgive me for it, I don’t want to be here.  I hate this temple.  I’ve hated everything since you died.  I hate the volcano, Bison and Byron, the scout who tried to get at you, the journey here…  Everything is wreathed in sadness and pain.  There’s a hole.  It’s the hole you should fill.  We should have crossed the border laughing and smiling, happy and relieved to be back.  You should have seen it.

 

Lilium, why didn’t you call me?  Why didn’t you ask for help?  Had I but known…  I could have aided you, helped you…  Why didn’t you call me?  I’ll never forgive myself for your death.  You know that, don’t you? 

 

There, look I’ve started to cry again…  And Caled is worried.  He wipes my tears away, a puzzled look in his eyes as he holds me, strokes my hair and tries to soothe me.  Isador will be hovering concernedly in the background.  He seems so…  So, chirpy, about all this.  So confident that you’ll come back, and that everything will be alright again.

 

I wish I shared his confidence.  I wish I could stop Caled worrying.  I wish I could make all the hurt and loneliness and fear go away.  All I can do though is hold on to Caled, my rock…  And pray that you come back tomorrow…  That we haven’t wasted time, that you do want to be here…

 

Lilium, I’m frightened…  Please, please come back to us?